View Number Two

Seeking Lost

2005-10-13T15:58:00.001-07:00

"The Dharma Initiative was created in 1970, and it is the brainchild of Gerald and Karen DeGroot -- two doctoral candidates at the University of Michigan. Following in the footsteps of visionaries such as B.F. Skinner [there is a jump cut/splice here] imagined a large scale communal research compound where scientists and free thinkers from around the globe could pursue research in meteorology, psychology, parapsychology, zoology, electromagnetism, and utopian social [splice] Danish industrialist and munitions magnate Alvar Hanso whose financial backing made their dream of a multi-purpose social science research facility a reality."
--Dharma Initiative, 3 of 6, the Swan, Orientation Film, LOST

With the most recent episode I wanted to reveal a few things to my faithful readers. The television show LOST on ABC has an expanding enigma, and frankly I welcome any discussion on the possibilities of the show, from pure speculation to repetitive facts. I have included some great LOST sites below.

Oceanic Air

Hanso Foundation

The Dharma Initiative

What I want to know is: How do I log in to the Initiative site???

OH! And there were 42 survivors. The back section had 23 survivors. Guessing that the back of the plane hit first, maybe the numbers indicate groups that have been brought to the island over time: 8 - 4 - 15 - 16 - 23- 42. Just a thought. If any commentors would be kind enough to list significant uses of The Numbers within LOST. Maybe there's a pattern... maybe.

Also, for any of you that are fans of Arrested Development on FOX (easily one of the funniest, most intelligent comedies I've ever seen)... I have found the following link for you.

I'm Oscar .com

Mind is the Builder

2005-10-07T17:04:00.000-07:00

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything.
What we think, we become."
--Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

"Spirit is life. Mind is the builder, and the Physical is the result."
--Edgar Cayce

May we, when woefully lost, learn from the wise.

Recently, and for some time, I can say that I have suffered some turmoil of soul, and despite my own intelligence, understanding, and wisdom, I play the fool as I continue to traverse poorly. Oh the hypocricy of myself to fail to act on my senses and the glean of insight given by God only due to fear, doubt, and uncertainty.

But alas there are still lessons to be learned, and as I dip in and out of blindness, I often lose sight of greater things. And so in the meanderings of my own circumstances, I have recently been impacted with the thought expressed above, originally found in my studies of Edgar Cayce. "Mind is the Builder." A simple and impressive thought.

Often we find in studies of the human soul that we can be described with a spiritual, mental, and physical body. And thus begins our experience in mortality. But here with the phrase "The Mind is the Builder" the relationship between these bodies is presented in a striking way.

Now, I should point out the obvious routes of this thought. Our minds and intelligences are the crux of our existance, and with the power of choice the path of our lives is run. Additionally, the Mind governs the other two bodies. There is a strong emphasis in this thought that we may mentally visualize our goals to achieve them, that we are likely to walk the paths that our mind dwells upon.

However, with Mind as the Builder, there is more to be considered in extension of the thoughts above. Yes, where we dwell and how we choose issues from the activities of the Mind, but even so, the condition/shape/traits of our Spirit and Physical bodies are quite literally Built by the Mind. Our Mind imprints upon these bodies by nature, building the development of every piece.

Additionally, the Mind is a seeker of knowledge, as greater knowledge benefits the operation of decision-making. By this, I mean to say that the Mind body continually gathers information from every available source, then uses that information to build upon the individual. As such, the Mind mind acts as an organizer of these resources, shaping one's very being. Truly, Mind is the Builder.

Now, a great deal more could be discussed on this if we begin to consider the nature of each individual body, and the relationships between them that give form to our mortal existence. However, I do not intend to explore that idea here. Instead I wish to continue to expound on the thought that Mind is the Builder.

Once it is understood that the Mind has a definite effect on these bodies, even the physical body to health, illness, and capability. It can then be discussed how Mind may yet be a Builder beyond oneself. How in the same ways that the Mind builds upon one's own body, it may also produce a creative force upon materials outside our body. Our physical and spiritual environment may be impressed and built upon by the Mind just as the body is.

In this way it can be postulated that relationship, circumstance, and opportunity may be built upon by activity of the Mind. We are drawn to certain people. We are intrigued by certain events. We may draw to ourselves the building materials.

Yet, we might confront at this point the realities of misfortune, opposition, and the difficulty of building with the Mind. I will not assume that this process is one of ease, nor that we are unimpeded in our efforts by obstacles of nature and enmity. Yet still the concept is strong. The structure is divine. And the perspective provided by this simple statement can provide a new horizon of insight and discovery.

"The Mind is the Builder."

LOST Season 2

2005-10-06T16:34:00.000-07:00

DESMOND: Listen carefully, type in exactly what I tell you -- exactly, nothing else. 4, 8, 15... Did you hear that?
LOCKE: What?
DESMOND: What did you just put in? What number did you just put in?
LOCKE: 15
DESMOND: Right, 16, 23, 42. Now press execute.
LOCKE [hesitating]: What's going to happen?
DESMOND: Just push it!
--LOST, Adrift

[Once again it is time to post. Being unable to craft my own thoughts into anything interesting, I will take the suggestion given me by Nate and post on the new season of Lost. If any of you crave any specific types of posts, give me comments below. Sometimes I need a spark to start the fire.]

Synopsis
The hatch is open. Walt has been kidnapped. The raft has been destroyed. Some things are beginning to make sense, while others are bringing more questions. There is a constant tension between faith and evidence. They are the survivors of flight 815. How and Why did they survive? I could expound on each character and the elements surrounding that character... but no... I'm here to throw out a few ideas concerning the newest revelations on ABC's Lost.

Orientation and Speculation
We are presented with an underground laboratory in the Dharma Project, known as location number 3, or the Swan. Obviously built in the 70's the place seems to be stocked for a lengthy existance, though was apparently designed for only two men. Inside we find one man, Desmond, a runner in a race around the globe, and an old film titled "Orientation."

Despite the aim of the film, it contains surprisingly little information. The Dharma Project is described as a scientific commune, where the researchers are able to push the bounds of known science through a variety of specialized experimentation. After this broad explination, the residents of "The Swan" are given instructions. These instructions consist entirely of entering a sequence of numbers into a computer, and pressing "Execute," every 108 minutes. The length of the task is supposed to be just over 500 days, when we assume an exchange of persons is made to relieve the previous residents.

So, it seems that a massive underground dome, stocked with food, locked from the outside world, on a remote island exists solely for the purpose of pressing that button every 108 minutes. The only explination for this activity is a vague mention of an "incident" during the Dharma Project. The obvious question is: Does the lab exists soley to prevent some catastrophy every 108 minutes, or does it exists soley to play with the minds of the inhabitants, as part of some greater experiment. The not-so-obvious question is: Why build all this on the island? There is also a vague mention of some strange elecrical phenomena on the island, accentuated with the bizaar magnetic field in the dome.

Personally, I think its a bigger experiment whose researchers have long since gone absent. I figure that para-scientific curiosity brough the Dharma Project to the island, after which all order was lost. The Swan experiment was designed to isolate the subjects, so they never really knew. I also figure that, the Swan, being site #3 (of 6 according to the film), that there are six laboratories on the island, possibly all of them different or similar in function, and also a single control lab to watch the six.

More Than One Way To Survive
On theother end of the spectrum, we have Sawyer, Jin, and Michael washing back on shore where they encounter a new community. It is my suspicion that this new community is not associated with "The Others" but rather are the other remenants of the plane crash. Of course, this group of survivors have formed a different kind of society than the first and have access to their own clues and secrets.

Given the details above, it would make sense that "the Others" have formed their own society, and are likely remenants of the old Dharma Project living in a lab somewhere.

Leftovers
As a note of interest, I do wonder a few things. Is the island by itself, or is it part of a small chain? The purpose of the "Numbers" is still bewildering: they've been broadcast, jinxed, used to label the hatch, used as a computer code, and they are printed on the chemical bottles Desmond was injecting into himself. I don't believe they were used as the computer code randomly, but chosen specifically. The numbers could identify a location or contain some kind of message. Why do the Others need a boy? So many questions.

I have rambled on well enough.

Free Humor

2005-10-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

Conan: "Tonight, we're going to look ahead into the future."
Andy: "The future, Conan?"
Conan: "Yes, the future. All the way to the year 2000."
--Late Night with Conan O'Brien

The following is a short list of lines from one of my favorite comedy sketches: "In the Year 2000." Enjoy!

Michael Moore will protest the war in Iraq by going on a hunger strike. No one will notice for the first fifteen years.

Terrorism experts will reveal that dirty bombs are just regular bombs that just enjoy sleeping with high school chicks.

A strange virus will kill every man in the world except Conan O'Brien, and every woman in the world except Jennifer Lopez. The marriage will last 32 days.

Tired of being the subject of dirty limiricks, the old man from Nantucket will move to a new town called 'Coral Sex'.

Players will play, but umpires will strike leaving baseball games up to the honor system. While cheating rampantly, the Mets will still lose 100 games.

Bandits will attack Queen Elizabeth. To save her life she will have to call on the knights sworn to defend her-Elton John, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney.

Michael Jackson's son, Prince Michael II will write a memoir in which he wistfully recalls that one glorious moment on the balcony when he nearly escaped.

We will finally learn what makes French vanilla ice cream different from regular vanilla ice cream--cowardice.

Colgate will come out with a new toothpaste that not only whitens teeth, but makes them Anglo-Saxon Protestant.

A major corporation's scheme to purify the human race is uncovered, when the operation's secret code name is revealed: Ethnic McCleansing.

Know Thyself

2005-07-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

"Riddle me this, Batman."
--Riddler

The following is a list of fun tests and quizzes. I put a lot of effort into understanding the people around me on many different levels. Now it's time for you to gain some of the same insights that I exercise on a daily basis. Enjoy learning more about yourself.

What do you Dream About?

Your Ideal Suicide

Your Homicidal Rampage

Personality Rating (1-10)

What do People Really Think About You?

Your Superhero Persona

Who Will You Be Stuck With At The End of Time?

True Nature

How Do You Kiss?

Your Life: The Movie

What is Your Destiny?

Big 30

Jung Type

Leader Type

Death Test

Messiah Test

Dateable Test

Personality Disorder

The Big 5 -- Compare with your friends

Simpsons Person

Personality Defect Test

Star Wars Personality

Kingdomality -- Fun Test

Which Online Personality Test Are You?

Dreams Do Come True

2005-07-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
--Henry David Thoreau

It is my hope and purpose that this short post brings to its readers the hope for something greater, a light in the darkness, a moment of respite. Yes, indeed, after years of misery I had a good experience just yesterday, and I wish to share it with the world!

As I awoke for my thankless, soul-sucking job, the glimmer of a fading dream played itself in my mind. Apparently, in my dream, I had skipped work for the day, got plenty of sleep, and felt very satisfied with myself. I lurched myself out of bed, while the usual dread of work began to creep upon me.

And then... then there was a new mid-day dawn upon my mind... I could realize my dream. And so, I called in sick, and skipped work. I then spent the day doing laundry and cleaning and re-organizing my room... I felt satisfied and relieved. My dream had come true!

[Of course this causes me to wonder about my other dreams. There was the one where I was listening to Tyler and Jared talk about insurance sales. That was boring but totally do-able. There was the one where I went to school in my underwear... again do-able, but maybe not the best dream to use. Of course there's the one with the naked twins and that one where I battle the sea serpent... both those would take some doing. I'll keep thinking.]

Opinions

2005-07-06T17:55:00.000-07:00

"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."
--Mark Twain

If our opinions come into conflict, that's just natural. It happens. You have every right to challenge my opinions... in fact I expect my opinions to be challenged. Truth. That's the point. Whenever my opinions are challenged I come closer to discovering truth. Whenever I hear the opinions of others, I can learn more. With as many faults as I have, I would be a far greater fool if I refused to accept any challenge to my opinions.

Case in point: The Emperor's New Clothes. Here's a guy who's opinion was never challenged. "Of course your clothes are magnificent your Majesty, who would say otherwise!" He was a fool.

As I see it, the world is built on dreams, dreams are built on opinions, opinions are built on feelings. It is wonderful to ACT and to DO, and this can be considered superficial, unless you begin to ask, "Why?" To act without purpose is pointless.

If we fail to challenge our opinions, we fail to strengthen our sense of truth and purpose. If we fail to observe the opinions of others we fail to understand our community, we fail to connect, and our action have no purpose beyond ourselves.

The Inherent Flaw

2005-06-23T13:47:00.000-07:00

Tommy: "Hey, What's your name?"
Helen: "Helen."
Tommy: "That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a sales man. Let's say I go into some guys office and let's say hes even remotely interested in buying something. Well then I get all excited! I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible sale. Oh , my pretty little pet, I love you. So I stoke it, and I pet it, and I massage it, hehe I love it, I love my little naughty pet... your naughty. Then I take my naughty pet and I go [makes ripping noises as he tears apart the roll]"
Tommy: "Uuuuuuh. I killed it. I killed my sale. That's when I blow it. That's when people like us gotta forge ahead, Helen, am I right?"
Helen: "God, you're sick."
--Tommy Boy

Behold the grandeur of the human condition! We have subdued the world. We can create and destroy. We have been to the Moon. We make choices to better ourselves - to advance ourselves - to empower ourselves.

But what is this thing we call Emotion? It is disruptive, abstract, and powerful. Yet, to some degree we are expected to rely on our vague feeling to understand the workings of God in our life. The faith required for our greater destinies is evidenced upon a series of feelings and impressions that both surge and receed as the tides of the ocean. The emotional segment of our beings has been endowed upon us by our Great Creator with such extraordinary emphasis, that it is entwined with nearly every other aspect of our being. Are emotions tools or goads? Are they designed to propel or to impede? Are we seriously supposed to exercise faith, using the one thing that undoubtedly causes more confusion within the human experience than any other?

As a race we seem driven, at the core, by a desire for love - a desire to experience some connectedness with everyone else. Our emotions can facilitate this connection, with passionate bursts of care. The men of legends past would fight dragons for love, fueled by his hopes and passions. It is among the human ideals. Yet, all too frequently, the painful ransacking of our emotions compels us to become shallow and isolated. With every disconnect from our fellow man, the hurt and pain enforce a sense of saftey in disconnecting with others. How many people do we see casually stumbling through relationships, never reaching out or exercising their emotions for fear of being destroyed by someone else? They kiss and hold and go through the motions, trying to create some facsimile of a true connection. It is an observable characteristic of our society.

We can assume that God would have us seek a connection, encouraging and facliliating those emotions that would establish the same. However, the evidence around us is filled with the pains and sorrows of many disconnections, and with every one we seem encouraged to become isolated, cold, and shallow... hiding our emotions from each other, retracting the force of our connections. It seems ever exemplified that to care is to risk a little death.

Left Alone

2005-06-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

--REMOVED--
Hello?
Anyone?
Batman?
I think someone turned out the lights and left me alone in the cave. So, it's at this point that the lonely boy sitting in the cold dark cave (having been left there by his friends), begins to write e-mails to an imaginary recipient... someone once named -REMOVED-. While there is never any response to the e-mails he throws into the darkness, for the sake of his own sanity he imagines that someone is reading them, happy to recieve them.
As each new letter drifts into the extensive empiness of the cave, the boy begins to wonder at his ultimate fate. Perhaps, he thinks, Perhaps if I die here some day in the future, explorers will discover this pile of letters, and for a short while... I'll mean something to someone.

Creative Posting

2005-06-17T18:17:00.000-07:00

"The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it
loves."
--Carl Gustav Jung

Ahh the terrible struggle: I strive to create marvelous wonder of wordplay, a playpen for the mind - but sitting here at work, I must continually use every energy to resist the erosion of my soul. Ahh, what would be the price for a meditative gymnasium where I could once again exercise my cretive self?

THERE IS MORE TO BE SAID!

I shall return...

LOST: Science vs. Faith

2005-06-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

LOCKE: "It wasn't going to hurt me."
JACK: "No, John, it was going to kill you."
LOCKE: "I seriously doubt that."
JACK: "Look, I need for you - I need for you to explain to me what the hell's going on inside your head, John. I need to know why you believe that - that thing wasn't going to..."
LOCKE: "I believe that I was being tested."
JACK: "Tested?"
LOCKE: "Yeah, tested."
JACK: "I think..."
LOCKE: "That's why you and I dodn't see eye-to-eye sometimes, Jack - Because you're a man of science."
JACK: "Yeah, and what does that make you?"
LOCKE: "Me, well, I'm a man of faith. Do you really think all this is an accident - that we, a group of strangers, survived, many of us with just superficial injuries? Do you think we crashed on this place by cooincidence - especially, this place? We were brought here for a purpose, for a reason, all of us. Each one of us was brought here for a reason."
JACK: "Brought here? And who brought us here, John?"
LOCKE: "The Island. The Island brought us here. This is no ordinary place. You've seen that; I know you have. But the Island chose you too, Jack. It's destiny."

I find myself fascinated with the mysteries and themes of life. So it is only natural that I find myself similarly interested when those themes are displayed in the media around me. ABC's LOST, is easily one of my favorite shows, and for those who have not seen it, I highly suggest you do. As I have watched the show I have seen an emerging theme of Science vs. Faith, very subtley played among the characters. In fact I would say that each character could be placed in one camp or the other. Also, I would say that each character has a "counterpart" in the opposite camp. If find this way of looking at the show very enlightening, and would appreciate any opinions.

The Science Characters: These characters don't believe in fate. They trust the facts and evidence presented.	The Faith Characters: These characters are willing to believe in the impossible, and often become connected to the island through their belief.
Jack, the uncompromising doctor Sayid, the stern soldier Sawyer, the conflicted con-man Michael, the struggling father Jin, the dedicated husband Claire, the single mother Shannon, the selfish sister	Locke, the mystic hunter Hurley, the jinxed millionaire Kate, the mysterious fugitive Walt, the insightful boy Sun, the hopeful wife Charlie, the charming addict Boone, the selfless brother [Dead]

You will notice that each listed character is directly across from his or her counterpart. I see the counterpart as someone who is thematically similar, but effectively the opposite. Give me your comments below.

Phase I: World Domination

2005-05-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

Baron Vladimir Harkonnen
Born 10,110, Died 10,193 - Commonly referred to as the Baron Harkonnen, his title is offically Siridar (planetary) Baron. Vladimir Harkonnen is the direct-line male descendant of the Bashar Abulurd Harkonnen who was banished for cowardice after the Battle of Corrin. The return of House Harkonnen to power is ascribed to adroit manipulation of the whale fur market and later consolidation with melange wealth from Arrakis. The Siridar Baron died on Arrakis during the Revolt. Title passed briefly to the na-Baron, Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen.

I have discovered an interesting contest. Alderac Entertainment Group (AEG), publishers of the Spycraft RPG and CCG, will soon release Spycraft 2.0 at the end of July. One lucky person will recieve free copies of this new book, should they be selected as winners of this contest. This contest is hosted by the site Modus Operandi and supported by AEG. Contest details can be found here.

To enter this contest I would have to create a villainous mastermind and his evil organization. Oddly, I may be well-suited to this task. The criminal mastermind would need to "fit" into the flavor of the Spycraft CCG world, an adventurous option. As my mind begins to caress this creative task, I request that any readers feel free to post comments with suggestions on the nature of this villainy.

----ONE POSSIBLE IDEA

In waves of deafening volume, the chanting of 500 Brazillian aborigines reverberated against the walls of a dark, moist cavern. The hundreds of voices rising and falling gave a strange pulsating sense of life to the one-time quiet cave. The room had been recently modified to resembled the interior of a vaulted chapel, with primitive torches lining the walls, and a throne of brass and gold enshrined at one end. The room was thick with the sticky smell of humid body heat, as every individual suddenly grew silent and bowed himself towards the shrine... all except one.

Louis DeVoure slowly elevated himself from the glittering throne. He was dressed in vibrant robes of red and purple, and adorned with dozens of crafted trinkets made of bone and jade and ivory and obsidian. Standing erect upon the shrine he began to speak to the congregation in their native tongue. They knew him as Lord Vice. They remained silently captivated by his every word. He had saved them, bringing with him the fortunes and vengeance of their gods. He had built this temple for them, deep beneathe the ground.

In a display of violent anger, flames erupted around the throne and the congregation gasped in terror. Sparks and beams of light shot out from the throne. Drum music surounded 500 frightened natives, who knew nothing of the speakers that had been installed in the sides of the makeshift chapel. As the darkness and chaos increased, Lord Vice began to float above his throne, then with a single shout the room burst with light, and the cave was again quiet, excepting for the whimpers of the weak.

Now, between the many technologies employed by Louis DeVoure, there remained a few that were of a truly mystic origin -- the very core of his obsession. He had collected and studied the occult talismans of dozens of civilizations, but it was here, in the jungles of the Amazon that he had finally found first piece of an ancient puzzle: The Hollow Heart. This fist-sized statuette was made of rough-cut ruby, shaped like a heart, and endowed with mystic powers.

Three of the weak ones were beaconed to stand before the crowd.

"We have no place for weakness among us," cried Lord Vice in the aborigine tongue, "You will fall here, while we RISE TOGETHER!"

The weak one cowered, as Lord Vice raised his arm, revealing a long metal rod, with wires trailing into the throne behind him. He pressed the rod against the half-naked man standing next to him, who quickly went rigid as strands of electricity curled around him. The crowd remained silent has his form fell to the ground... smoking. And so it was with the other two.

"NOW! We shall join together! And we shall be embraced by THE GODS!"

At this, Lord Vice raised his arms together, holding the Hollow Heart high above his head. Wires trailed from the heart to his throne, and along the floor of the cave. 497 Brizillian aborigines each picked up a small metal ball with wires linking them to every other metal ball in the room, and each of them raised it high above their head. For a moment they felt a tickle of energy, and the room seemed to glow.

Lord Vice coked his head to look at the rat of a man who remained curled in the corner of the cave, and in English, said, "Do it now, Hoskins!" With that the fidgety lilttle man turned and threw a large switch.

For a moment the cave was once again filled with voices, shrill, uneven, and suprised, then in a moment the pulsating life was silent.

Lord Vice looked at the relic in his hands, apparently unaware of the 500 corpses lying at his feet. His eyes were wide with excitement, as he frantically caressed the heart-shaped artifact, disconnecting the wires. "It worked, Hoskins! I can FEEL them. Their strength is my strength. Their life... is MY life."

"Very good, my Lord," said Hoskins, stepping toward the glittering throne, fixing and gthering the components of their theatrical display.

"Hoskins, call for my private helicopter. THIS is only the beginning."

The Games List !

2005-05-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

"I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do."
--Lucas, Empire Records

[I have not posted in a while. I have spent days allowing my mind to churn, waiting for some type of genius idea to be born, but it has not happened. I have wallowed in self-pity. I have grown weaker. I have been caged.

Something needs to be done... Anything.

So at this point I'm going to try to post more frequently, even if it means I post a few absolutely stupid things every now and then. As I post more often, I will begin to stoke the fires of my mind, and those genius ideas will be spawned.]

The Games List

I've played many games in my day: board games, card games, video games, party games, word games, flash games, etc. The following attempts to be a significant list of the games I have played, along with an overall rating of 1 to 5. If you can think of a game I've forgotten, please let me know.

The Rating System:
Waste of Time: You will not see me playing this game unless I'm bending to
the wishes of a dying man or a beautiful girl. A lot of these games are kids games I've grown out of. They would scored higher if I were 6 years old.
Low Enjoyment: If I was stupid enough to buy this game, it's probably
gathering dust right now. These games don't really hold my interest, but sometimes I still find them fun.
Satisfactory: While these games do not tend to be my first choice, they can
make for a good, fun evening on the right occasion.
High Enjoyment: I enjoy playing these games. Always a good choice.
Favorites: These are among my absolute favorite games.

THE LIST: Board Games and Non-collectible Card Games Only.

221B Baker Street [3]

Abalone [2]

Age of Mythology [2]

Apples to Apples [3]

Aquire [4]

Axis and Allies [3]

Backgammon [1]

Betrayal at House on the Hill [5]

BINGO [1]

Candyland [1]

Carcassonne [4]

Cave Troll [3]

Chess [4]

Checkers [2]

Chinese Checkers [2]

Chutes and Ladders [1]

Citadel [3]

Civilization [5]

Clippers [4]

Clue/Master Detective Clue [3]

Connect Four [1]

Cosmic Encounter [3]

Deadwood [3]

Diplomacy [5]

Domaine [4]

Dominoes [2]

Dune (Avalon Hill) [5]

Dune (Parker Brothers) [3]

Filthy Rich [3]

Freeloader [2]

Gillotine [3]

Great Brain Robbery, The [2]

Hare and Tortoise [2]

HeroQuest [2]

Hi-Ho Cherry-o [1]

History of the World [4]

Hotels [3]

Hungry Hungry Hippos [1]

Jenga [1]

Kill Dr. Lucky [2]

Life, The Game of [3]

Lord of the Rings [5]

Lunch Money [3]

Mancala [1]

Mastermind [2]

Memory [1]

Monopoly [3]

Monsters Menace America [4]

MouseTrap [1]

Munchkin [3]

Mystery Mansion [2]

Operation [1]

Outburst [3]

Phase 10 [2]

Perfection, The Game of [1]

Pictionary [3]

Pit [2]

Poker [4]

Power Grid [5]

Risk [1]

Risk, Lord of the Rings [2]

Robo Rally [5]

Rook [2]

Save Dr. Lucky [2]

Scene It! [5]

Scrabble [4]

Scotland Yard [3]

Settlers of Catan [4]

Solarquest [4]

Solitaire [1]

Starfarers of Catan [4]

Stratego [2]

Taboo [2]

Tenjo [5]

Tick-Tac-Toe [1]

Trivial Pursuit [3]

Ungame, The [1]

Uno [1]

War! Age of Imerialism [4]

Witch Trial [4]

Zombies!!! [3]

Under Pressure

2005-05-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

"Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and... there are so many things that I need to ask you. Sometimes I'm afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I'm afraid that you'll tell me that
this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me
in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of
relief, because there will be so much to look forward to."
--Donnie [in a letter], Donnie Darko

When your life begins to unravel around you, it can be surprising how dizzying the effect is. Every stray possibility of fate begins to flail into the void of whatever was once my existence like thousands of black threads. The immediate compulsion is to close the eyes, to allow the vertigo to settle... but then I might get lost.

I'm not sure what is more frightening, watching small pieces of myself drift away, forcing me to question every aspect of my existence, or the thought that as these threads spin away from me, the core of who I am is slowly being uncovered, and may be revealed in all its naked, grotesque glory. Am I afraid of what I'm losing, or am I afraid of what I might discover?

These days I have a strange feeling of impending doom. It's as though my life were Pandora's box, with a giant question mark printed on the side. I watch in slow motion, as the wrapping slowly removes itself, knowing full-well than when that box opens, the world I know will end.

Somewhere, somehow, I derailed. I came to Earth with a plan. There was a path... I'm sure there was. God had a plan for me, and I think I may have screwed it up. I had so many high hopes, so many noble intentions, I believed... in everything. I think I'm lost. I think I'm weaker than before. Adversaries in the shadows.

The Devil. I would generally be very open to the idea that the Great Adversary operates against the children of God, even myself. However, I've always considered myself well-associated with my Maker, and never suspected I would feel so... off. Looking back along the depressing path of my existence, I suspect that the Wicked One must have had some influence, but something far beyond anything I ever imagined. The slow subtle erosion of my hopes and dreams had to have been a massive effort, carefully coordinated over years -- either that, or I was an easy target.

I'm afraid that what little value I have to my friends will be lost. I'm afraid that there are people who believe in me... and I'll fail their expectations. I'm afraid of what will happen when the threads finish spinning, when the shadows close, when the box opens. I may be fighting for my life.

[Sorry about the depressing mind-spewing lately. I hope my mind catches something new.]

The Past: Progress, Portents, and Pitfalls

2005-04-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

"The book says, we might be through with the past, but
the past ain't through with us."
--Jimmy Gator, Magnolia

"There are stories of coincidence and chance, of
intersections and strange things told, and which is which and nobody knows; and
we generally say, 'Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it.' ...
These strange things happen all the time."
--Narrator, Magnolia

Have you seen the secret fears and sorrows of your fellow man? Have you contemplated the quiet hollows of our hearts?

[This thought is so complex, I can't seem to put it into words right now.]

Save the City

2005-04-08T13:42:00.000-07:00

I... am the Waffler. With my griddle of justice, I BASH the enemy in the head, or I burn them like so! I also have some truth syrup, which is low in fat."

--Waffler, Mystery Men

--[I have recently joined the heroes of Paragon City, in the popular online game City of Heroes. For your entertainment, I present to you the origin story of Spectrum X. Later I will post on superheroes, society, and seeking of individuality and nobility.]--

The capsule-shaped power chamber of the neural stimulator flickered with a turquoise light then went out, as one transistor after another became useless from over-exposure. The experimental machine, designed to operate for short five and ten-minute bursts, had been set to "Maximum" for nearly 46 hours. The body of Dr. Malcom Keen lay rigid and motionless within the aparatus... but he was not dead. According to the research, his body should have been slowly cooked from the inside out, over 46 hours, but as the final hiss of power issued from the now-dead neural stimulator, Dr. Keen made a small gasp for air. Perhaps the psychical nature of the research had been underestimated. Perhaps it was the ecclectic mix of electro-magnetic, chemical, and psychic energies used in the stimulator. Perhaps some oddity of the experimental device had gone unseen. Whatever the possible explination, the fact remained the same. Something had changed within Dr. Keen, and not only was he alive, he was... different.

In the darkness of the abandonded laboratory, Keen's limbs slowly began to twitch with activity. His mind whirred with a sort of hyper-consciousness, desperately trying to regain a sense of place and time. He was dizzy. His limbs seemed to be over-reacting and exaggerating every movement. His vision was blurred... or was it? The objects in the darkness around him seemed to pulse. He could feel something outside the building -- lines of energy in motion. With the world swirling around him, he began to breathe slow and deep.

Breathing while sitting up in the neuro stimulator, Dr. Keen recalled the feeling of being strapped in. He and his research partner, Dr. Julian Monroe, had been working on the neuro stimulator as part of a larger research project for over three years. After spending the last three months setting saftey parameters, they had decided to personally test the device. Keen would attach himself to the system, while Monroe would run the equipment. He had trusted his partner completely.

For months the partnership had been exciting and fruitful. Keen and Monroe shared a vision of enhancing the human psyche. By accelerating the nervous system with a special mix of energies, then augmenting the accelerated neurons with a system of amplifiers, the subject connected to their "Viewing Chair" would theoretically be capable of viewing remote locations, and possibly remote time periods, using his mind. The idea of advancing human capabilities and providing a new tool for viewing and researching the world was a scientific dream, and the two enterprising scientists had become good friends during the process.

However, something seemed to change in the three months leading up to their personal test run. Dr. Monroe had been evasive and tended to over-react to even the slightest criticism. He became arrogant and obstructive, with a peculiar series of medical curiosities interrupting his time. After a loud and lengthy argument one week ago, Dr. Keen was satisfied that their estrangement had be resolved, and for the past week the excitement over this personal run of the system reminded Keen of older times. But now, sitting in his own laboratory, he could see that the room had been stripped of nearly every device, every piece of information. Only the required components to keep him paralyzed within the machine remained.

He had been betrayed. His mind skipped from thought to thought with such excessive speed, every thought of betrayal carried with it the disorienting sensation of hurtling towards the earth in a jet plane. Nauseated, Keen stood up. The room seemed to shift beneath him. His muscles were weak, with no sense of balance. Keen steadied himself, trying to focus through the unnatural speed of his mind and the strange sensations that were beginning to assult his body. Each time he opened his eyes, the world looked a little different. Objects hummed and glowed with auras of faint energy. Keen stumbled toward the far door, gripping tables and chairs along the way to keep himself from falling. A crisp crackle skittered between his hands and every object. He was almost out. He had to do something. Inform someone. He reached for the metal knob on the door to freedom.

KRACKA-BOOM!

With a flash of light and the smell of ozone, the door exploded outward. Keen watched, stunned, as turqoise whips of energy cascaded across his hands. For Dr. Keen, the world had changed.

The Path of the Single Swipe

2005-04-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

"Swing away Merrill. Merrill... swing
away"
--Graham Hess, Signs

The Path of the Single Swipe is a relationship action intended to bring things to a point quickly, effectively swinging the proverbial axe with the hope of cutting the proverbial neck in a single swipe. It gets gruesome and painful to spend 6 months cutting through the neck of a relationship. This metaphore is most easily understood if you've ever had to kill a turkey for dinner. It's true what they say about turkeys or chickens running around with the head dangling half-off.

[SIDE NOTE: Check out the Wasatch Front blog listed in the links on the side of my page. I post there fairly frequently and comment on different topics. So for your enjoyment and edification... check it out. END SIDE NOTE]

Musings on Love

2005-04-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

God created Arrakis to train the faithful.
--from "The Wisdom of Muad'Dib"
by the Princess Irulan

I tend to write short notes to myself while I work, just allowing my thoughts to drift and settle. Sometimes I like what I write and feel it turns out... well-expressed. So, for your reading pleasure, I present some of my thoughts. (Please don't take this to mean that I'm utterly melancholy. I'll change things up here.)

If I'm looking for love, then I can see that love in my family, with my friends, and especially with Tysen. But those loves just aren't the same as the love I imagine would come from a girlfriend (or even a casual physical relationship; not that I'd go that route). Of course the loves I have are true and pure and substantial, but... I... just feel that the love from a girl who really wants to be around me... there's something extra there that I can't get from my other sources. That same "Extra Something" is the kind of thing that would include an allowance for a physical relationship, which I hear is nice, and I'm certain would be comforting on many levels.

Certainly the unquenched thirst for this "Extra" love is not a strange thing for man to feel, but as I look back, the grand tragedy comes down to this: I wonder if I am even allowed the possibility to have such love. If this love were water, I have walked a dry desert, and there have been no signs along the path -- none -- that would suggest I will ever find it. I pray for a plant, an animal, or a cloud... anything that might provide me with the hope that this water even exists in this desolate world of mine.

Windows to the Soul

2005-04-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

Lucas: "Look at what you took, Warren: Rap... Metal...
Rap... Metal... Whitney Houston."
Warren: "It's for my girlfriend."
Lucas: "Sure it is."

--Empire Records

I have this crazy urge to create something. I want to make a masterpiece. I want to design a world of wonder and play in it. I want to be the hero of an epic story or the mastermind behind some dastardly plan. I want someone to stare at a picture of my mind with total fascination.

It is my solid belief that we each have an innate desire to express ourselves. In our never-ending quest to validate our own individuality, we find ways of splaying ourselves for others. This desire is so innate that we reveal the tones and hues of our individuality through nearly every activity.

It is a law of creation, that the creator must give a portion of himself to truly create anything great. Those who are lovers of the varied art forms of our world can quickly realize this truth with a quick review of great works. Truly, as the creator adds more, the creation grows in spectacle. Of course the most natural example of this would be a simple review of genetics, but I don't want to go into that today.

With the nature of creation being the essence of the creator, it is a strange but fascinating oddity that a similar relationship occurs between the creation and the viewer. When the viewer can see an aspect of himself in the creation he views, he is far more likely to appreciate the creation. Once again, it is a validation of our own individuality.

So essentially, the great creators have the extraordinary talent of displaying such a true image of the self, that even the common viewer can see something of himself. It is a community bonding through expressed individualism.

Since I'm at work, I can't post pic URLs (strictures on the computer). So here are some links to inspire you.

Enjoy!

On The Job

2005-03-25T13:56:00.000-08:00

My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in
charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off
while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.
-- the words of Lester Burnham in American Beauty, describing his job.

There is no greater reminder of my failure to achieve the dreams of my life than the daily drudge of cubilcle work. Yet, even as I sit here, I am expected to meld my identity with my job description. I am expected to gauge my personal value with the value of my paycheck. And thusly, each and every day I question my worth.

Naturally, this spurns the idea of looking for new work, which I have done. Unfortunately, after being rejected one interview after another, the problem is only compounded as I return to the only lowly position that will have me.

Of course, I shouldn't measure my worth with my job. I should measure it with my personal relationships. Yes. That's the idea. Surely I'm worth more outside of work. I get to go home and... well... wonder what it would be like if I ever had a girlfriend. I suppose I don't have to be loved by someone to feel valued. Right? Maybe? At least I have friends who value me. I call them every day. They don't always answer the phone or return my calls or even want to spend time with me, but at least I know they're there.

Of course, who needs friends to verify my value as a person when I can express myself by producing... uh... nothing of value. Well, at least I have work. Right?

How do I measure my worth again?

The First Post

2005-03-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

To my friends Tyler and Jamo who post far more interesting things, perhaps this will facilitate our communication. Here I will post my views and opinions on a range of topics. I encourage commentary and responses on all my posts.